so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize