Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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