If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
