You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
