Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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