i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize