He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
