Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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