his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize