I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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