Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
