Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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