just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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