look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
