Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Houston, we have a blender
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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