She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
