you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
