there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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