Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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