I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
