my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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