i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize