he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
