1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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