Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
