yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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