cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
