I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
