After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I love you. Go after that dick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
