I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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