I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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