Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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