i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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