I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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