adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize