it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
