I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dicks are not precious.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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