I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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