i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
