oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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