My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
