Swine flu. Run for my life!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i came on her dog
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Someone came in the potted fern
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize