Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Panties = found
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
