I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
worst night to have a conscience
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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