Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
