So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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