The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
