using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
