two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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