Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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