listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
