i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you didnt know i had herpes?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
this hospital has no fireball
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
