I'm really into asian looking animals
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
