Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
