Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
