FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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