Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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