there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
