In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I came so hard my ears popped.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
