I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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