two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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