my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
