Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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