i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
