i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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