just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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