i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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