I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
