Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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