yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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