I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
