what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
